Rip Your Guts Out Kinda Grace

Beauty shows itself in many ways, and if we allow it to, all of life can become an act of grace and exquisite beauty.

For the past few days I’ve been noticing that I’m experiencing chest pains…the kind that you just know have something to do with the heart.

I keep asking my heart, what is it…what is it…what is it?

It’s as though my heart is ready to expand beyond it’s borders..

As though it is telling me this is what it wants to do, and somehow I’m just not getting it.

But deep, down inside, I do get it.

And what I get is that there is fear here.

I don’t know why this has felt so intense these past few days, but I have felt like I could actually expire from the dark depression that has engulfed me and weighed so heavily on my heart.

I know some of this has been triggered by a relationship that I am in, and what it is clearly revealing to me is that I’m not in it to be happy, but to become conscious.

That’s what I asked for…what I recently pledged allegiance to.

Boy, is it working…

This is all about embodying the kind of love where one would no longer have a care in the world if someone loved them or not.

This is about Being Love. Period.

The heaviness has lifted now as I write this thanks to the miracle of radical acceptance of what is, but it felt like my guts were being ripped out, and yet when I took a closer look at what actually spilled out onto the floor…all I saw was grace.

Beauty can be found even in some of our darkest growing moments, especially when those moments reveal to us our utter vulnerability and human frailties..the absolute rawness of the human heart..

These are the kind of moments that make us real.

And the still small voice said…

“This ache is none other than the grace of awareness. It is the awareness of the fear that your heart is ready to permanently move you beyond your ego mind. You have reached the doorway of “the point of no return.” It is here where all illusion intensifies, right before it dissolves into pure Awareness. The ego has no home in Awareness…no life…no existence, and that is beyond intolerable and impossible for it to comprehend. You are feeling like you are losing your mind, that you must hold on, that you are dying. In truth, it is a death, a final letting go of that which you identified as you. You are being asked to trust…and to transcend…not out of your body or this world, but into both of them…fully…completely…and entirely embodied as Love..”


With love,

Heather xo


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